Self Sabotage - be kind to yourself.
Updated: Feb 18
We all have a saboteur - that little, inner voice that whispers that we aren't good enough, aren't pretty enough, aren't worthy enough, won't succeed etc. Yes - even celebrities have moments of doubt. For some people this inner voice can increase in volume. It gets louder and louder, until it blocks out every other sound. This can really affect the way a person's self-worth, their self-esteem. They believe they aren't good enough, attractive, intelligent, successful etc.We say things to ourselves that if they were said by another person, we would be deeply offended. We can be, our own worst enemy. The way we see ourselves is often made up of past experiences. The problem is that, often this voice, neglects to mention the good things, the achievements and the wins, it concentrates on the failures, the rejections and the negative experiences. I wonder how many amazing artists, singers and actors, we wouldn't have today if they had listened to that inner voice and just given up. They have self-believe and a positive outlook. They probably had that same self-doubt, that inner sabateur, but they chose to turn the volume down.
The amazing truth, though, is that this 'voice' is actually your subconscious mind trying to keep you safe from disappointment. If you don't go to that party or that society, then there is no possibility of this happening as you won't be there. The mind is such a powerful source. I know - because I'm a hypnotherapist, so I see clients all the time who feel like they are not good enough, or not motivated. They may be angry at themselves because they let their fears get the better of them and backed out of some social situation but at the end of the day, it hasn't made them feel any better in the long run. They may have stayed within their comfort zone, but they realise that they are stagnant, not moving forward in life. As someone with a debilitating health condition, my inner saboteur is usually connected to this. I avoid certain social events or situations because I fear that it will make me ill, I'll be exhausted and won't be able to cope.
Doing new things, accepting changes...is scary, but sometimes when you decide to ignore that inner voice and take a leap of faith, it can lead to new opportunities and personal growth. I remember feeling anxious the first time I went to an IPTC session, I didn't know anyone, I had seen a performance and chatted to one or two members whilst I was there, but I didn't know what to expect. I had a knot in my stomach as I pulled into the carpark and this multiplied as I walked through the door at Swinnow Community Centre. In the back of my mind, I had the worry that I might not fit in, but Gerica made me feel so welcome and took the time to listen to my opinions and ideas. I still occasionally get nervous before a drama session. At the back of my mind is always 'will I fail, will I forgot my lines, will I hit the high notes? will I hit any notes? Will I become too ill to perform? Will I just freeze on stage, trip over the set or a million other things that could go wrong, in my head.
I know though, that deep down, the only person who can stop this inner voice is me. Once we recognise this inner voice for what it is, become aware of it, we can change it to a kinder one. We can choose to ignore it, to support ourselves instead. As Mama Ru says
"If you can't love yourself, how the hell ya gonna love somebody else?"